Not a creature was stirring, only him the fat twat.
His colostomy bag was hung by the chimney, quite shocking
In the hope Santa would fill it as well as his stocking
His kids had stayed over, and Charles was well pissed,
He was lay on the floor cos the bed he had missed
And William was eating sugar plums, although in his head.,
There was all sorts of creaks from the legs of his bed,
When out on the street there arose a great clatter,
Bro shut the fridge door to see what was the matter
He ran to the door and gazed into the road
It was the takeaway man and his order he bestowed
The look on bros face as his tongue licked his lips
And he thought for a moment…had he ordered his chips??
Then all of a sudden what should just appear
Bethany and Joe with a crate full of beer
They had a little fat driver the name of Kabir
And I knew at once…a taxi was here..
More rapid than eagles…it must have been Kings
With a delivery for bro…hot and spicy chicken wings
Now spare ribs.! Now pork balls!. Now wantons!. Now char sui!”
“On seaweed! on Curry! On foo young ! on view!”
Bro wobbled up the stairs
To go get his wallet
£40 and a ten pence tip
If that’s what you call it..
The wind it did blow a wild hurricane did fly
And it blew bros prawn crackers right up to the sky
So the ladders were out and up bro did climb
The greedy fat fooker was up in quick time
The roof tiles did crack and the eaves they did creak
As the fat fookers eyes, his prawn crackers did seek
And tripped on his red onesie bottoms, the clot
And fell head first into the black chimney pot
He was stuck in the top showing his arse and his knackers
And his one arm was holding his soot covered prawn crackers
He looked a right twat as we looked from below
With two chins full of fluff . And a scream of ho ho !!
His eyes were not twinkling and his dimples not merry
We phoned for a fire engine that was to come there from Bury
His droll little mouth still held a spring roll
And he still scoffed it up, though it tasted of coal
The fireman arrived and chuckled with mirth
At the little fat fooker stuck by his girth
They asked how he got there as they looked at his belly
And it shook when they pulled like a bowl full of jelly
He was chubby and plump from his visits to Greggs
And the firemen did laugh as the pulled on his legs
With a heave and a ho and a winch with some throttle
He suddenly popped out like a cork from a bottle
He spoke not a word but went straight to his food
Not a thank you was heard which I thought was quite rude
And licking his fingers from his sticky spare ribs
The children still sleeping fast in their cribs
He couldn’t quite finish, with a face full of sorrow.
He saved his chow mein for breakfast tomorrow
But I heard him explain as he took his last bite
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!!
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