MY LITTLE BROTHER HAS CANCER

 Bros supposed to be having another cheemo session today but he doesnt want to have it has he feels like it is not doing very much and the tumours have not shrunk enough to enable them to be removed so we are going to see the consultant to see what options are open to us...we are all a little worried


Final Cheemo Charlie update.
Bros last chemo today  but he has decided not to have it and has only agreed to go to see his consultant Mr  Lukatfatti so he can have breakfast and lunch at the hospital .FAT FOOKER!! When we arrive, bro makes a beeline for the breakfast menu and I ask to see Mr Lukatfatti.  His receptionist Miss Chin Tu Fat asks him to come to our room. He arrives and goes on to say that the cycloposhamide agent and the mercaptopurine antimetobolite have not caused a lymphatic node effectuate, in other words the chemo has done jack shit!!   I glance at bro,  greedily eating a sausage from the full breakfast he has ordered.  I ask Mr Lukatfatti what other options were left for us and he suggested a liver transplant.  Just half a liver would do, but it must be a perfect match,  and in the general public a 5000/1 chance of finding, but if a sister donated half a liver those odds would drop to 500/1, and  if a brother donated  because of the male gene it most likely match perfectly.  “He hasn’t got another brother unfortunately“…I said.  Mr Lukatfatti raised his eyebrows and nodded in my direction. “Hang on!!! There are two reasons why I cant donate half of mine… 1. I don’t like scalpels and the thought of only having half a liver, and  2. I don’t care much for the little FAT FOOKER anyway and only come here with him because mum says I have to“.  I glance at bro who had a dribble of egg running down one of his chins …FAT FOOKER!!!
Mr Lukatfatti then said that there was a possibility I could buy one…people sell all kinds of parts of the [--body…. blind people were not born blind, or became blind,  they sold their eyes,  that is why they wear dark glasses, because they have got holes in their heads where their eyes used to be …look for example at Stevie Wonder,  a  struggling 18 year old musician who sold his eyes., then he took piano and head waggling lessons and became a superstar.  Oscar Pistorius an   athlete  who couldn’t win a race. .sold his legs and won a gold medal .. Became a celebrity.. Although it went a bit pear shaped when he wanted to sell his girlfriends legs too and she wouldn’t..  Bang Bang  ! ..
They retail at about  £157 said Mr Lukatfatti. “That’s not bad 157 quid for a liver” I said.  £157,000 he added  . Fek  me!!! I bet any money you can get them on EBay  a lot cheaper than that I thought.  “Be careful when you buy though because there are a few rogue traders to watch out for“ ..said Mr Lukatfatti. There is a  DR. ACULA…he sells blood mostly but it is usually past its CELL by date….and  MORGEN BALMER  his stuff is full of chemicals but it is dead cheap  and ANNABELLE ECTOR  steer clear of her!!  “Have you bought anything”  I asked.. A pair of feet but they sent the wrong ones and I had to return them, a case of myxomatosis …I looked at Bro, he was mopping up his beans with a piece of toast with one hand and had the lunch menu in the other hand, FAT FOOKER!!   I used his laptop to look on EBAY and bingo! the first thing I come across was a PAIR OF EYES…
DESCRIPTION Beautiful matching HAZEL EYES  size 3 centimetre comes with matching brows and complete with optic nerve and  a pair of Viva la Diva sunglasses. FIRST TO BUY WILL SEE!!…
Next item was an HEART…..
DESCRIPTION…One loving HEART in rose coloured ice box complete with scented ribbon and loving gift card….Impress the comatose love of your life on valentines day with this beautiful beating heart.  BUY IT NOW £3000 (YOU WONT GET IT ONE AORTA CHEAPER ANYWHERE!!)
HEAD, ARMS, LEGS ,AND TORSO…Buy all you need for the perfect body .in one simple transaction. Email the buyer dick@ntlworld.com with any questions or to arrange delivery
LEGS…only worn once…. in hot pants. .very RETRO 60s  DON’T LET THESE GET AWAY!!!!…..
VAGINA..NEW WITH TAGS. COMPLETE WITH WASH  INSTRUCTIONS ON THE LABIA…….
MATCHING HANDS  in beautiful manicured condition…PLEASE SEE MY OTHER ITEMS …I  looked…a pair of marks and spencer gloves and a 24 carat wedding ring….and a Twister game…
I type in LIVER and miraculously there was one there, it was being sold by a Welsh  farmer by the name of Dafydd  Jones.. Who now fortunately had a farm close by in UPPER RAMSBOTTOM
DESCRIPTION ..One beautiful fully functional LIVER belonged to my dearest beloved DOLLY who passed away this week.. Her heart was still BLEATING when the liver was removed…her internal organs were all in working order when she died, only her FOOT and  MOUTH were cause for concern. She was a non smoker ..apart from the odd bit of GRASS which she partook of occasionally.
EWE wont be disappointed if you win this item…I have HERD it’s a rare item only one on eBay
so people will  FLOCK to bid on this item.
Only seven day listing because I want to make room for the new love of my life LARRY….
Highest bid… 99 pence..  I SHEEPISHLY look  at bro who was now tucking into a huge steak pie for his dinner and I thought…Do I don’t I?? Would he know it was from a sheep? Would I be able to pull the WOOL over his eyes??  Bugger it  1.04p..I hope I don’t get FLEECED …A message came up.. You are the highest  bidder to date….SHIT!!!  I am winning the bloody thing …Well I suppose I could SHEAR the cost of it with my sisters…
I glanced again at bro he had spilt gravy on his chin next to the egg…he looked like he was eating a toffee and banana arrow bar and the FAT FOOKER had gone fast ASHEEP… BAH BAH FOLKS!