Well its been the usual pantomine at Christies with fat bro.
His consultant Mr Mustapha Lukatfatti and his surgeon Yura Pudding are both on their hols so I hoped it would be a quick in and out today.
We arrived early and got our usual spot in chair 12, in our room was the most big bosomed girl that you had ever seen, me and bro couldn’t take our eyes off her knockers, however she was also saddled with having the most spotty face that we had ever seen in our lives too.. lol . She introduced herself as Lena Overmee and was accompanied by her friend Ann Wagglum. Another person a Welsh lad from the valleys introduced himself as Hugh Mongous. Lena Overmee, Ann Wagglum and Hugh Mongous told us they were on a training course from medical school and were there to observe treatments. “not much to observe today then. Just me here” said bro. “No. There’s a gentleman in chair 11 there” hes behind the tea trolley” said Lena Overmee. Just then out popped I swear the smallest man I had ever seen A dwarf no bigger than 3 feet high, who then introduced himself as Dan.
Now correct me if I am wrong but I didn’t think dwarves got ill, in the 57 years of my life I had never seen a dwarf in a hospital, or in my doctors, or in a dentist, not even getting a prescription in the chemist, come to think of it not even in the parocetomal isle at Tesco. I thought they were Unbreakable like in the Bruce Willis film. Any way bet his scan don’t show anything up!.
Anway the nurses come round and Bro is tubed up for his chemo.. Ann and Hugh are watching intently,
Lena is fiddling with one of her spots and Dan The Dwarf is making real efforts to try to get up into his chair. Bro Comments that they shouldn’t let dwarves onto the private ward and they should be National elf !!
Anyhow I ask bro to get the cards out and he says he has a surprise for me and out he pulls a game of Scrabble.(Bet he’s been practising all week) Still, let the fat fooker have his fun!!
Dan the dwarf asked if he could join in if we put a cushion or two on a chair for him, and Big busted spotty Lena asked to join in too, Anne had gone to theatre to watch a prostrate op. I asked Hugh If he wanted to play but he could only play with a Welsh Scrabble set, which 100 letters ( or tiles as they are known) are made up as follows 64 L’s ..22G’s…8 D’s…4 Y’s an E and an A.. he did however offer to adjudicate.
We let bro go first because it was his game and he was phoning mum if I didn’t let him. We all drew our 7 tiles and off we went. After numerous minutes thinking and concentration Bro played the first word…IT….Now I am not being funny but the highest ever recorded first word in Scrabble was MUSJIKS (a russian peasant) which got a whopping 128 on the first move, the average number of points being 28... bro gets 2 on a double word = 4.…..thick fooker!! Lena goes next and twiddles and presses a big inflamed spot while she ponders her move…suddenly a stream of creamy yellow gunk is ejaculated from it and it lands in the form of a Z right in front of IT….ZIT!!!! Shouts Hugh 12 points…
“Im not Happy” said Dan….”who are you then, Dopey??” said bro with a giggle.
Dan then takes his turn…and places a 7 letter word…LOTTIES….me and bros eyes zoom in to Lenas cleavage…“Toilets” Dan shouts out… I don’t believe my eyes and ears…I am playing scrabble with a dyslexic dwarf…who has just got 94 points
My turn next mmmm? TRCANCE….cancer?? ..acne??.. crater ?? Best miss a turn and swop mine.
Bros turn TO “ on a double letter” he joyously shouts 3 points…Lena keeps playing medical terms to catch us out like ANALLY…bro says ok that means every year…
Dan the dwarfs next few goes are not much better MELONS…HOOTERS…BERTHAS.. Once again causing bro and I to gaze on the two pendulous breasts at the side of us …..however Dan informs us it says SOLEMN…SOOTHER…BATHERS…Anyhow he is racking up the points.
Lena is still on the medical terms ARTERY.. study of paintings bro says and LYMPH…What you do with a sore leg.. and BARIUM…what you do with patients when they die he says…thick fooker!!
I am still getting rubbish letters …SUBYTYB mmmm Busty?? Stubby?? Tubby?? Swop again
Anyhow no letters left finally and you wouldn’t believe it, its bros go and he comes up with a 7 letter word ZOMBIFY z on a triple letter Y on a double letter and a triple word score…200 points BINGO!!
The rest of us knock our letters left off…Dan the dyxlexic dwarf has got IOIO (I wish it was off to work I go!!) Big Busted lena has got a double FF left and I have PISTOFF..so true. Hugh Mongous declares bro the winner and we all go home…thank god
On the way home I muse at the game of Scrabble and how real life is remarkably similar to the game…
Sometimes through your life you are dealt crap letters and sometimes in life your dealt great letters, whatever your dealt make the most out of them that you can possibly can do. There are times in life when you want to throw all your letters back in and give up on everything.. just skip a day and wait for the next days letters and hope they are better….the thing is though that the difficult letters are those most rewarding to us, they hold the biggest values…if we can overcome the big problems in life and not give up then great rewards are in store for us.. Life is often jumbled up like the letters in scrabble and its very difficult to make any sense of things….It twists and turns like a scrabble board and from a jumbled mess the words of someone else can always help you and make you feel better… That’s what I think anyway….
See you folks
Sos it was long winded.....bros cheemo went ok. a week or two of side effects...but heres hoping
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