OU HAVE CANCER

Those dreaded words that so many people these day hear,
And suddenly a life of fun and laughter turns to one of dread and fear,
Confidence, invincibility, is replaced by a feeling of being scared,
The unknowing will eat at you, and for that, no one can be prepared
Bitterness and anger will try to make you a person you are not,
Your old self was happy and vibrant, how soon you have forgot.
Your energy has gone. You feel lonely. No future lies ahead,
Hanging on dreaded words, consultants and doctors have said.
Depression takes over. Sorrow and anxiety rule your mind,
The old you has gone, abandoned, left so far behind.
Life is cruel. You say, Why me?? You question all the time
What have I done to deserve this? Have I committed some sacred crime?
The memory of happy times pains the mind, of what seems an age gone by
Sadness, sorrow, darkness, and sometimes, on your own you cry.
Isolated, alone, and yet there are a million more,
Will you ever be again……..as you were before?
And yet…..
There is a chance i might not make it. But there is a chance i will
There is still so much to live for, some dreams I need to fulfil.
People will smile though they hurt, and hide feelings of despair,
And only me and me alone can smile, a smile for them to share
I am not weak or fragile. With oh so many friends,
I am looking for new beginnings and do not think of any ends.
My mind is strong. Yes, stronger than this disease will know,
And able, with a laugh, I can take all that it can throw.
I feel normal, I have come to terms, I am ready for a fight.
The future is not dark. Friends and family provide a light.
I have a sense of calm. On this journey that I travel
And who knows. What marvels and wonders may unravel
I am grateful, appreciative, of each kind word of love,
Of every prayer and message that’s sent to god above.
And yes I will be as I was, with a future and a life to live
And a heart that still beats. With love, so much to give.

I WROTE THIS FOR A VERY DEAR FRIEND OF OURS WHO HAD DIED OF CANCER ...SHE REALLY WAS SPECIAL

SOMEONE SPECIAL 

Someone, who made me laugh with the stories that she told.
Under a hard outer shell, someone who had a heart of gold.
Someone, so upright, strong, and someone ever proud,
And someone, who never failed to stand out in a crowd.
Not ever sad. But someone who smiled away those last few years,

And someone who would say. “You can all just put away those tears!”
Not someone, who ever thought the world owed her anything at all,
No…. someone who smiled, laughed, and waited for the lord to call.

Feelings that I cant express, of someone who gave such pleasure,
Life ebbed away. Memories stay. Of someone who was such a treasure.
Even now, someone I know, is close, and will always be near,
Maybe someone will make me smile, gently whispering in my ear
I know that someone, is now filling angels hearts with laughter
Now that someone rests peacefully in the land hereafter.
God bless you Susan. Someone who was so special ……

To my friend Susan Ann Fleming

Chemo charlie update

Well what a few days i have had with that bro of mine he doesn’t half cause me some grief. I came back from my hols a few days earlier than bro and left him enjoying himself for another week. He has only been out of my sight for a few days and already hes lost something and altough he has looked everywhere he cannot find it anywhere.It wouldnt be so bad but he has had it for over 50years and he has always had it with him, he has never gone anywhere without it not even to bed.. What is it?? His APPETITE!!! Yes somewhere during our holidays, or after, he has lost it and he is devestated. Now he had it the morning before we went on  holiday because i went to the doctors with him because he had some stomach cramps, The doctor asked him what he had eaten the day before and bro replied 3 sausage rolls 2 bacon and egg mcmuffins 2 mars bars 3 packets of crisps, chicken chow mein, pudding and chips with gravy, 3 cheese toasties, 4 donuts , 2 choc ices  and a diet coke. The doctor took a look at his belly and said that the cramps were probably because he was hungry!! So he must have had it on holiday. Now Babs our sis is sure he had it with him the Monday morning when we travelled down, because he had 3 wetabix with berries...Cad berries..  and poached egg on toast and a bowl full of porridge with honey  before we left her house at 10am and he still wanted to stop for a bacon roll at mcdonalds before the 11am cut off for breakfast , so he had it then. Now my investigations have found that he may have lost it on the Friday i came home because he met a lady called Laura and she told me that she asked him if he fancied some egg and bacon for breakfast and he had replied “No the viagra he was taking had  took the edge off his appetite” At lunchtime she asked him again if he fancied a burger or sandwich or sausage roll or something, and he had replied ” No i think the Viagra has taken the edge of my appetite” she asked him agaiin at dinnertime if he fancied a pizza or fish and chips”No i think the viagra has taken the edge of my appetite” . Anyway she told me that eventually she had to tell him to get off cos she was fekin starving!!! ! So its a little non conclusive that. So i might have to trace his steps a bit further than that. Now im not sure if he had it in the caravan on the Thusday because there was a box of Pringles on the table and he didnt eat any, but that might of been the fact that he couldnt get his chubby fekin hands in the tube.!! Now he did tell me that he was trying to lose about 2 stone while he was on holiday and that was going well because just before i left he weighed himself and he only had 3 stone to go. So from that i can deduct that he lost his appetite after i left him. Ive looked in my case and i cant see it there, so i didnt pack it by mistake. Babs says it wasnt in her case. She tells me that he had it in Wolverhampton on the Monday because he went to weight watchers with her and he dropped a bag of mlatesers on the floor and she had laughed because she said it was like the human version of the Hungry Hippos game, so he had it then. I asked him if he looked in his pockets for it and he said he has emptied them and all there is is 45 empty chocolate eclair wrappers 3 twix papers 6 crisp packets, and a packet of Rennies.So i am continuing the search for Bros appetite. He is not the same person since he lost it. If any one has seen it or has any information that may lead us to its whereabouts we would be grateful for any leads. I think we will lose the fat fooker if it isnt found soon and got back to him......

Well we have just come back from a week in Exmouth. Me and bro and sister Babs and her hubbyRichard  went ( they just came to keep a watchful eye over me and bro to make sure we did not get up to anything).
I don't think the four of us have ever laughed so much in our lives as we have done last week and we had a fantastic time. Bro tired somewhat so he found it difficult to walk and gaze at the beautiful landscape of the Jurassic coastline. He did however manage to walk to numerous Burger Bars and Pasty shops (fat fooker)

Although he managed to eat a little, his appetite is not what it used to be and he is losing a little weight and although he could probably do with losing a stone or to, it is nevertheless a little worrying. he tired a lot through the day and i think the chemotherapy over the last few months has taken its toll. His tumour markers had risen prior to our holiday and he goes back on the 1st July to see whats happened.. We will have to wait and see.

I think it might be a good idea to get him enrolled in a gym to take some light exercise. He is a little lazy at the moment and found it difficult on holiday to get himself from  the sofa to the kitchen sink. Lazy fat fooker!!!

A seagull drew this one!!

We did nevertheless have a wonderful time and the sun shone throughout!!

Myself with bro and our sister Babs!!

Bro up to no good again

Fat Lazy Fooker!!!

BRO HAD TO SPEND A NIGHT IN CHRISTIES THIS WEEK DUE TO SOME SIDE EFFECTS FROM THE CHEMOTHERAPY. HIS TUMOUR MARKERS ARE UP WHICH IS WORRYING BUT TOMORROW WE ARE GOING AWAY FOR A FEW DAYS TO EXMOUTH FOR A WELL EARNED BREATHER FROM ALL THIS. I HOPE ITS SUNNY COS ME AND MY BRO ARE LIVING THE DREAM FOR A WEEK!!!! KEEP YOU POSTED ABOUT WHAT WE GOT UP TO....

Chemo Charlie Update.
Bro went for his Chemotherapy treatment on Thursday and is feeling a little under the weather this weekend. This was his 7th and  last Chemo of his present batch and contrary to what I thought Christies have not run out of money and Chemo fluid it is actually Bro who is stopping the treatment after his 7th batch,. Why?? Because of the extreme side effects you might say? Because an alternative treatment you might ask? Because the Tumours have disappeared you might hope?? No!! None of these.
 Because the fat fooker  has a fear of the number 8.  Octophobia as it is medically known as. Yes, there is no way that Bro is having Chemo no8 Because of his Phobia to the number 8. This is the story of how it all began…………It was the 8th August and Bro was 8 years old. It was a very hot  that day, 88 degrees  in the shade. Bro was at Magdala St school in the infants, class 8. It was playtime and outside the school the chimes of an ice cream van could be heard playing that long loved nursery rhyme Diddle Diddle Dumpling my bro John (or something like that), well when the Chubby fooker (as he was known in them days) heard this he searched in his pocket and found 88pence that he had saved from taking sterilised milk bottles back to the shop. He was saving it for 88 arrow bars on the way home, but the smell of Mr Whippy was so appealing to the Chubby fooker it was too good to resist. Now children were not allowed out of school and the gates were always locked. Bro decided he could sneak through the railings and be back before anyone noticed (thick chubby fooker). Anyhow, he managed to get his head through although he had to force his chubby cheeks somewhat, and then he started to slowly squeeze through the railings, the queue at the ice cream van was getting smaller and sweat started to roll down bros chins and his heart pumped faster and he squeezed and squeezed until the Chubby Fooker got himself stuck half in and half out. Well pandemonium broke out and the dinner ladies (bros favourite teachers) tried in vain but could not budge him. Heywood fire Brigade where called, but they were busy taking part representing Heywood in an It’s a Knockout semi final, the dinner ladies had some custard left from dinner and they tried greasing bro with it to slide him out but as fast as they coated him, the faster he was licking it off and getting more and more stuck . The fire brigade arrived  8 hours and 8 minutes later. They finally cut the chubby fooker out. Well he now looked like a number 8!!! We are still in touch with the ex fireman

who sawn him out George Astric, who through this event had the idea and went on to be famous as the inventor of the Gastric Band. Anyhow to move on, we tried everything to try and make bro look like another number but he always looked like a number 8. The other kids would mock him and shout “Who eight all the pies Chubby”) We sent him to eightwatchers to no avail. We put an eight chart in his bedroom to measure it, but he never changed. He was blighted throughout his childhood, not being able to go on rides at the fun fair because of eight restrictions, If he had looked like any other number he would have looked different when he looked in the mirror, but number 8 he always looked the same, we thought of having surgery but the best we could hope for was to turn the Fat fooker( by this time he had outgrown his chubby image) into two threes. He eighted what he looked like. He would have given anything to look like the big fat 0 that he used to be.
He eventually did expand himself out of his no 8 shape with a diet of Big Macs Chinese takeaways, and diet cokes of course, but not before the events of his childhood had left their marks on him. That’s why he says he is missing Chemo number 8, but the thick fat fooker says he is ok to have number 9!!!!