WE celebrated Mothers day last night and we all cooked food and had fun and friviolities...Bro got a bit tired towards the end of the evening , but it was fantastic to have all the family togeth. Our family is the best in the world and we aint about to make it smaller for quite some time yet...still battling

Here we are myself bro and our dear mum and sisters Susan on the left and Barbara on the left

Well the inevitable has started to happen and the Chemotherapy fluids have started to have a detrimental effect on Bros hair follicles and bit by bit im afraid to say he is losing the small amount he had left…..it’s a very sad time and as always when your feeling sad you always hear songs on the radio that make a tear well in your eye…and when I was driving this morning I heard that timeless classic of Gilbert O Sullivans…and a tear welled in my eye and I heard myself singing gently along to it because it did so remind me of my beautiful brother…and so I would like you to share it with me…..
  CLAIRE….BY Gilbert O Sullivan



Hair…..I looked in the mirror up there,
My eyes popped from my head, yes I swear
I was bald as a coot, with just the odd root,

And then,  I knew that I was in for some trouble
I rubbed with my hand and felt stubble
I wish it would grow, but it would only glow.

And try…. as hard as I might do, to grow  it back,
It looks like its had a back sack and crack,

I shudder a little when people look up and smile,
I am going to be known as cue ball for quite a while

Oh hair,…. hair…..

Hair …I suppose I could get me a wig
An helmet and look like the Stig
I look like a t*** …I am getting an hat

But why ?,  in spite of its looks,  why do I cry ?
When I have a bath or a shower its easy to dry

When I walk down the street I’m feeling dapper and dandy
And I hear someone say ..its  fooking Mahatma Ghandi

Oh Hair ..Hair

Hair… I am  starting to really despair..

You might think I’m a looney
With a transplant like Rooney
 No you can’t have Brylcreem
There is enough of a gleem…… but wait

While I in an effort to give it a comb
And I know what you think. Fek me Chrome dome!!

It can be murder falling out lock by lock
And its making me look like a fat balding cock..


Oh Hair….Hair


Oh….Hair…rrr..rrr

Chemo Charlie Update….Took Bro to Christies yesterday for his chemotherapy treatment, it is getting extremely difficult to talk to him due to the effects of the chemotherapy on his brain cells …commonly known as chemobrain.. a medical summary describes it as follows…Problems with memory and concentration, along with a general feeling of not functioning mentally as well as usual, are informally referred to by patients as CHEMOBRAIN. Health care professionals call these symptoms cognitive deficits, from the word cognition, which means thought, and the word deficit, which means falling short of.
7.30am…picked bro up at his flat to take him to Christies
               Bro…“Why are you here so early Alan?”…..
                Me…..”I am not early it is 7.30 and we always set off at 7.30”
               Bro…   “Do we?” “We don’t have to be there till 8.30”
                Me…..“Yes but it takes us an hour to get there”
                Bro….. “I know but don’t worry it does not matter if we are early”
7.55am….Me….“Did you watch the match on Tuesday Bro?
                Bro…. “Which one?”
                Me…. “United versus City“.
                Bro …. “Manchester City“?
                Me  …. “Yes”
               Bro ……“Were they playing Newcastle then“?
               Me……..“No they were playing Manchester United in Derby match”
               Bro…….“Derby not in Premiership are they“?
               Me …….“No, not Derby County…the fooking Manchester Derby”
               Bro ……“Who were playing Newcastle then“?
               Me…….“I don’t fooking know”
                Bro……“Don’t know much do you”
8.05 am…Bro…..“Are we calling at McDonalds Alan“?
                 Me……“If we have too”
8.10 am.. Sarah …“Good morning I am Sarah can I take your order please“..
                Bro…“My usual please Sarah, two sausage and egg mcmuffins , two hash                
                              browns and two pancakes and a tub of porridge and a large                
                              cappuccino with a double helping of chocolate on. Don’t tell me
                              £9.58 pay at first window…   Do you want anything  Bro“?.
                 Me…… “No Thank you”
8.25 am..   Bro… “Are you not working today Alan?
                  Me….“No, I am going to the hospital aren’t I.”
                  Bro….“Why Are you ill“?
                  Me…. “No I am fine. You are ill though”
                  Bro …“I know that’s why I am going hospital”
                 Me….  “I know I am taking you aren’t I”
                 Bro…. “ Better make sure you don’t miss your appointment then.  What                  
                            time is it at“?
8.30 Arrive at Christies
         Bro…….”.Are we calling in canteen before we go up Alan
         Me……Ok”
          Bro…….“Morning. Same as always please, two bluberry muffins a kitkat and a
                          bag of cheese and onion crisps please, and a diet coke. You want            
                          anything  Alan“?
           Me…    “No thanks “
 8.45 am………Arrives in lift to go up to our Chemotherapy department
                           Bro….”.Floor 5 please”
                           Me…..“No Bro, our floor is the fourth”
                           Bro… “It is not we are always on floor five”
                           Me… “We are always on floor four”
                           Bro …“Floor five, I know were I am going I come here enough.”
  8.46 am     Arrives on floor five
                            Me…Where now bro?
                             Bro….“Just down these two lots of stairs and we are there…Knob“!
   8.50 am. ………Finally arrive on ward and the nurse who gave him so much
                            grief with the needles the day before is in charge of Bro again.  
                            Bro goes to complain to the head nurse saying he does not like
                            having Nurse Barb Dwyer  doing his injections. Anyhow he
                            manages to get her changed for the funny eyed one who always  
                            looks a bit lazy  and lethargic to me, Nurse Gladys Friday.                    9.00 am  …….  Bro is finally wired to his pump and drip and  Auxillary Lydia
                          Potts comes round for Bros Breakfast order .
                          Bro…. .  “Morning Lydia.” “Could I have my usual please, bacon on
                                          toast, a boiled egg, soldiers, an extra two rounds of toast a
                                           marmalade a jam and coffee, with sweeteners not sugar“..
  10 am……       Bros consultant Mr Mustapha Lukatfatti comes round for his
                          consultation with bro. He Asks Bro…Any Sickness, any dizziness,        
                          any pins and needles any forgetfulness or memory lapses…bro  
                           answers No to all..
  10. 15am…    I call  Mr Mustapha Lukatfatti over to one side and explains that
   Bro is having memory lapses and forgetful moments. To which he replies . “Are you  
   sure he isn’t only being a bit thicker than the thick  fawker ( which I think is  
    Pakistani for fooker) normally is?
    I explained to him the conversations I had with bro coming into the hospital that day, and that I couldn’t understand why the only thing that Bro didn’t have memory lapses about was food!!
 10.30am….Bros surgeon Mr Yura Pudding had taken some scans on Bros brain
   as part of his evaluation procedure and the consultant said we should go and have
   a look at them in his office. We left Bro dribbling egg  down his chin as he
   gobbled on his soldiers.
10.45 am ….He placed bros brain scans on his monitor and begins to  examine them.    
 Now he says,  you see all this slight yellowing around the  edges of the brain, well that is chemo fluid entering it and having a detrimental effect on its working ability, now this part on the top left is the part which controls, hunger, appetite, taste etc…oh look he says…there is something built up on it which looks remarkably like a  pie crust.. its stopping the chemo fluid entering it.. it must be your Bros defence mechanism and immune system commonly known as W.A.A.T.P …Warning Activism  And Traffic Perception or in your bros case….Who Ate All The Pies!!  I asked the consultant which part of Bros brain would make him a right pain in the arse and so annoying that you wanted to strangle the little fat fooker, and he pointed to an area to the bottom left…it was extremely yellow and chemo fluid looking…just as I thought!!
11.30. Done and dusted. Gets in car to go home. ….Bro….“Are we calling at K.F.C on way home Barbara “??? CHEMOBRAINED FAT FOOKER!!!!!!!!!!!!

been a bit busy since Bro had his last Chemo and ive not had much time to blog  a Chemo update. Bros been asleep all the time so i have not been able to chat too him..... But i was driving home today and that young Michael Jackson classic was being played on the radio..and it made me think of bro

..BEN
Bed…the two of us can stay  till four
I hope no one knocks on the front door
With a pillow beneath my head
A quilt and big bed spread
And you my friend will see
Im staying here till three
(im staying here till three)

Bed…I’m always running for a shit
(for a shit)
And sometimes I cant get out the pit
(out the pit)
If you look at my behind
And don’t like what you find
There is something you should know
Ive poo  pood on the throw
(ive poo  pood on the throw)

I used to say  “Its the Alarm for me”
Now its buzz…..turn off  till three
(I used to say “Its the Alarm for me“)
(Now its buzz…Turn off till three)

Bed …most people will leave you at six
I don’t listen to a word, I’m sick
With your quilt around my belly
And Jeremy Kyle on the telly
I am sure they think I am dead
If they looked at me and bed
(They looked at me and bed)
(They looked at me and bed)

off to christies with little bro today for another round of Chemotherapy treatment. hope all goes well. Hes been handling the side effects pretty well to date.We will have a little bit of fun while we are there and a game of two of cards. A friend of mine Neil Potts is doing a sponsered tee totalthon in aid of a local hospice and i would just like to wish him all the best...for a man that likes a tipple its a good effort. well done!! 

Enough of that sentimental twaddle. bros has just phoned to say he is losing something. hes embarressed so i said i wouldnt say what it was. My lips are sealed

YOU HAVE CANCER


Those dreaded words that so many people these day hear,
And suddenly a life of fun and laughter turns to one of dread and fear,
Confidence, invincibility, is replaced by a feeling of being scared,
The unknowing will eat at you, and for that, no one can be  prepared
Bitterness and anger will try to make you a person you are not,
Your old self was happy and vibrant, how soon you have forgot.
Your energy has gone. You feel lonely. No future lies ahead,
Hanging on dreaded words, consultants and doctors have said.
Depression takes over. Sorrow and anxiety rule your mind,
The old you has gone, abandoned, left so far behind.
Life is cruel. You say, Why me??  You question  all the time
What have I done to deserve this?  Have I committed some sacred crime?
The memory of happy times, pains the mind, of what seems an age gone by
Sadness, sorrow, darkness,  and sometimes, on your own you cry.
Isolated, alone, and yet there are a million more,
Will you ever be again……..as you were before?
And yet…..
There is a chance I might not make it. But there is a chance I will
There is still so much to live for, some dreams I need to fulfil.
People will smile though they hurt, and hide feelings of despair,
And only me and me alone can smile, a smile for them to share.
I am not weak or fragile.  With oh so many friends,
I am looking for new beginnings and do not think of any ends.
My mind is strong. Yes, stronger than this disease will know,
And able, with a laugh, I can take all that it can throw.
I feel normal, I have come to terms, I am ready for a fight.
The future is not dark. Friends and  family provide a  light.
I have a sense of calm. On this journey that I travel
And who knows. What marvels and wonders may unravel
I am grateful, appreciative, of each kind word of love,
Of every prayer and message that’s sent to god above.
And yes I will be as I was, with a future and a life to live
And a heart that still beats. With love, so much to give


The last bit is my bro............

well me and bro lost in the first match today but we played ok. he was dead tired at the end i dont really think he would have been up to another game had we won. it was nice having a game and the sun shined a little and it gave me chanc to catch up with bro on how the visit he had yesterday at Christies with the bowel consultant.
Bro told me that  the bowel consultant was pleased that the tumour had shrunk a little with the chemotherapy treatment. He thought there were 3 options open to bro. Option one was just to leave it as it was because the liver tumours were so numerous that the bowel tumour was less worrying. option 2 was to place a stent in bros bowel and hopefully this would help in with his severe costipation. option 3 was to fit a tube which would divert things into a bag, as the option of removing bowel and tumour were not really an option.
He went on to add that the cancer cells were already travelling through bros blood supply and would have carefully attached themselves in various places and the chemotherapy treatment was keeping them at bay at the moment.
End result was to look at all options when chemotherapy was finished in a few weeks.

This is a picture of bro when he won the waterloo bowls trophy in 1991. It is the most prestigous trophy to win in the crown green bowls world. Bro is still a top rated bowler and still represents our county in spite of him being ill. Tomorrow me and bro are playing in the final day of a competition. It is a pairs event and we qualified for the finals last weekend. Hes bearing up well after his chemotherapy last week but he has very little energy. Im hoping we get beat the first match but knowing how competetive bro is i doubt we will. Then he will be dead on his feet the next match. He says bowls gets him out of the house and stops his mind being 24/7 on his illness. i must admit we do have a good time at the bowls. so its onward and upward and heres hoping for a victorious day tomorrow.....cheer us up and get us ready for the chemotherapy next Thursday..

i took bro for the 4th of his six sessions of his different type of chemotherapy treatment on Thursday.
His consultant at Christies spoke to us and told us he was happy that the treatment had stemmed the growth of the bowel tumour to some degree, although there may be scar tissue there which is affecting the area so its camera time next week. He couldn't,t say much about the 17 lesions on bros liver because we are not having scans till treatment has ended. We had a laugh with the nurses there i think we brighten their day and they certainly brighten ours.
We met a lovely couple in the next bed. it was sad to hear the young mans story. He told us he was playing football just 6 months ago, when he developed some pains in his back., he struggled on with the help of paracetamol but it was getting a little bit worse as time went on. one morning he noticed in the bathroom mirror that he had a slight lump in his neck. he consulted his doctor who sent him to hospital for tests. There, they discovered that he had several tumours on his spine, tumours in his lung, liver and bowels. They weren,t sure where the cancer had started but it had rapidly spread. he could no longer walk and his lovely wife pushed him in a wheelchair. She told us that they had 3 young children and she didn't know what to tell them. she told us she cried at their questions. it was a really sad story . Their lives had changed so rapidly in the last 6 months. They were a lovely couple being dragged through the process of this horrible disease. My heart went out to them. i said a prayer for them and their children that night. I hope it helps?

Cheemo Charlie update part 1.
Its been a strange couple of weeks with bro. He joined the terminally ill dating website . MATCH MADE FOR HEAVEN.COM, and he had his first date on Tuesday at Christies…..Spoke to his consultant Mr Mustapha Lukatfatti and he has told us that bros fat growth on his left side isn’t a tumour but an Hernia……..Some strange but good news on Thursday at bros chemo……his bowel constipation has actually been retified..after removing an haemorrhoid and discovering it was half a walnut…further investigations revealed that it was a walnut whip that was blocking bros bowel…fat fooker…so that’s sorted….Also some strange news about his seventeen liver tumours…after further investigation under a cat scan machine, and everyone wondering why the tumours were all different colours….it came to light that when the largest of the tumours was analysed and a letter P was on it ..it became evident that the tumours were actually Smarties and the large one was the lid of the tube….Mr Mustapha Lukatfatti asked me how they got there and after asking bro it was clear he got them from his first date……..to be continued……

Chemo Charlie update PART 2 (how the smarties and the walnut whip got there) 

Sung by that renowned comedian Menny Pill

Titled Hernia ( and he drove the slowest bread van in the west)

You can hear the ground a quaking and there isn’t any mistaking

And a wobble of  his chins, and a lot of belly shaking

As he marched right in to Christies, his port sewn in his chest

His name was HERNIA, and he drove the slowest bread van in the west

Now Hernia was meeting a lady there, a girl, name of, Faye Slift

She was off the breast ward on floor 2, and she thought she was gods gift

I thought she was too good for Hernia,  but bald, with  poxy skin,

But Hernia got his Crumpet there…and his Thick and Thin

She said she’d like to share his drip, he said , alright my sweet

So he attached two tubes to his arms, then attached two on her feet

She said  Oh Hernia, this is love, I hope it never ends,

But Hernia came up for air too fast  and got the fekin bends

And that made me say Knob head!!!!….. Knob head……

And he drove the slowest bread van in the west

Now Hernia had a rival, with a toupee on his top

Called Mr Wayne Dwops,  Cancer stage 5, and he owned a toffee shop,

He tempted her with his M and M’s, and she nibbled at his Crunchies

And when he dropped his Snickers to his feet, she had the fekin Munchies

She almost fainted at his Freddo bars, and he said if  you will be mine

You will get more than After Eight my dear, you will  have a Treet at least of nine

He knew, once she tried his Pick n Mix, he could  give her what she needed 

And all Hernia had to offer was a Wholemeal Sesame Seeded

Poor Knob head!!!!…. Knob head……

And he drove the slowest bread van in the west

One chemo session Hernia saw,  Waynes wheelchair by her curtain

It drove him crackers . Cos his love, was going for a Burton,

He flew up from his drip at once, and grabbed some surgical pliers

And he went right up to Waynes wheelchair and slashed both of his tyres

And that made me say Knob Head !!!…Knob head………..

And he drove the slowest bread van in the west

Now Hernia rushed out on the ward, a Milk Roll in his hand

If you want her, please be careful, she’s only got one gland

I know said Wayne. I felt it. I didn’t half feel a right tit

But that silicone felt okay on the left. I really have to admit.

Now Hernia wasn’t having that. He pulled Wayne from his chair

Hernia grabbed a Pitta Bread and Wayne a Chocolate Eclair

But Wayne he threw some Smarties  and as Hernia  gobbled the sweet

A Walnut whip caught Hernias chins and knocked him off his feet

Now Faye Slift ran between them, to try to keep them apart

But Wayne pushed her out the way, and Hernia did a chemo fart

And he sniffed up in pained surprise at the awful fooking smell

And an Aero bar hit him in the eye, and down poor Hernia fell.

Poor Knob head!!!!!…… Knob head…….

And he drove the slowest  bread van  in the west  

 Hernia was only 52..Awwweeee…..and he didn’t want to die….

And now he has gone delivering muffins to that Tesco in the sky

Where customers are angels, and you don’t need a trolley token

Eating heavenly takeaways ,all the time, though, the fat fookers  heart is broken

But Wayne and Faye  they tied the knot, and in their wedding bed 

As she sucked on his Milky Bar and he slapped her shiny head

Was that the Sweet jars rattling or a rolling dip of Sherbert

Or Hernia with a Crusty….he,d come to watch!!!…The Pervert!!!!

They wont forget Hernia!!!!…….Hernia…..