Anyhow we arrived at Christies on Wednesday and bros consultant Mr Mustapha Lukatfatti had some exciting news for bro.
You may not be aware of this but it is Christies 75th Anniversary this year and it also is the 75th anniversary of that great stage musical THE WIZARD OF OZ. Due to this coincidental occurrence of the two in the same year , the directors of the Christie hospital have decided to put on their own stage play at the Palace theatre in Manchester. The cast will all be patients of the Christies hospital with a couple of celebrity figures and all proceeds will go to the hospital trust fund.
Mr Mustapha lukatfatti said that bro had been considered for one of the parts. Well the fat fooker was beaming. He is there on the bed with his drip in and he is hollowing out “ I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ!! his fekin colostomy bag nearly bust. The nurse whispered to me that the part of Dorothy was played by the person in the next cubicle, there was only a curtain separating us so I had a peep.. Only Hayley fekin Cropper.!!!! Then suddenly a loud voice rang out saying ”PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE PERSON BEHIND THE CURTAIN”… SHUT UP BRO!!!
Anyway the nurse filled us in saying that the musical had a medical theme and was about a girl called Spotty Dotty who worked on the melanoma ward in a hospital in Cancers (thats in America ) . One day she fell into a scan machine and banged her head. Suddenly she was transported to a land far away where she met a nice fairy called Glenda (played by Eddie Izzard) which is why the title of the musical will be the Izzard of Hos….Glenda told Spotty Dotty she needed to go to the Haemorrhoid Shity but to watch out for the wicked Witch Hazel. Anyway off she goes and she meets a soft lion who gives her the eye and looks up and down at her (a cat scan you could say)….. “IF I WERE THE KING OF THE FOREST”…SHUT UP BRO!!!! ……and a bit later she meets a scarecrow (who is played by a brain surgeon at Christies who is outstanding in his field) …..“IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN”…SHUT UP BRO!!!! …..a bit later on she meets a tin man (very tin 3 stone 4lbs played by an Irishman stage 5 cancer of the aorta valve ward 6 )…..“WHEN A MANS AN EMPTY KETTLE”…SHUT THE FEK UP BRO!!!
Spotty dotty needs to find the wizard because she is feeling sick and missing her Aunty Emetic. She goes to the Munchkin City where the Munchkins live, (we have made a short list for them) and listens to the polyp op guild…“WE REPRESENT THE POLYP OP GUILD“ …….BUTTON IT BRO……YOUR TOO FAT FOR A MUNCHKIN!!!! Anyhow finally she meets the bad witch and Spotty Dotty shouts “LEUK AEM IA” and when the horrid witch turns round Spotty Dotty throws a bucket of Chemotherapy fluid over her and she melts……“IM MELTING…. IM MELTING“…SHUT UP BRO…YOU CANT BE THE WITCH, ….BECAUSE, BECAUSE, BECAUSE, BECAUSE, BECAUSE…....The witches part is taken by a lady with a brain tumour and a severe O.C.D….”
Anyhow they finally meet the great and powerful IZZARD OF HOS and he grants them all their wishes.
Bros consultant then comes in with bros costume for the rehearsal on Friday night…I see that it is furry….is it the lion??? Its dark coloured…is it the witch??? …a moustache……mayor of the munchkin city???? ….YOU’VE GUESSED IT….YOU’VE PUT TO AND TO TOGETHER…..TOTO……FAT FOOKER……BARK BARK!!
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