MY LITTLE BROTHER HAS CANCER

Chemo Charlie Update….Took Bro to Christies yesterday for his chemotherapy treatment, it is getting extremely difficult to talk to him due to the effects of the chemotherapy on his brain cells …commonly known as chemobrain.. a medical summary describes it as follows…Problems with memory and concentration, along with a general feeling of not functioning mentally as well as usual, are informally referred to by patients as CHEMOBRAIN. Health care professionals call these symptoms cognitive deficits, from the word cognition, which means thought, and the word deficit, which means falling short of.
7.30am…picked bro up at his flat to take him to Christies
               Bro…“Why are you here so early Alan?”…..
                Me…..”I am not early it is 7.30 and we always set off at 7.30”
               Bro…   “Do we?” “We don’t have to be there till 8.30”
                Me…..“Yes but it takes us an hour to get there”
                Bro….. “I know but don’t worry it does not matter if we are early”
7.55am….Me….“Did you watch the match on Tuesday Bro?
                Bro…. “Which one?”
                Me…. “United versus City“.
                Bro …. “Manchester City“?
                Me  …. “Yes”
               Bro ……“Were they playing Newcastle then“?
               Me……..“No they were playing Manchester United in Derby match”
               Bro…….“Derby not in Premiership are they“?
               Me …….“No, not Derby County…the fooking Manchester Derby”
               Bro ……“Who were playing Newcastle then“?
               Me…….“I don’t fooking know”
                Bro……“Don’t know much do you”
8.05 am…Bro…..“Are we calling at McDonalds Alan“?
                 Me……“If we have too”
8.10 am.. Sarah …“Good morning I am Sarah can I take your order please“..
                Bro…“My usual please Sarah, two sausage and egg mcmuffins , two hash                
                              browns and two pancakes and a tub of porridge and a large                
                              cappuccino with a double helping of chocolate on. Don’t tell me
                              £9.58 pay at first window…   Do you want anything  Bro“?.
                 Me…… “No Thank you”
8.25 am..   Bro… “Are you not working today Alan?
                  Me….“No, I am going to the hospital aren’t I.”
                  Bro….“Why Are you ill“?
                  Me…. “No I am fine. You are ill though”
                  Bro …“I know that’s why I am going hospital”
                 Me….  “I know I am taking you aren’t I”
                 Bro…. “ Better make sure you don’t miss your appointment then.  What                  
                            time is it at“?
8.30 Arrive at Christies
         Bro…….”.Are we calling in canteen before we go up Alan
         Me……Ok”
          Bro…….“Morning. Same as always please, two bluberry muffins a kitkat and a
                          bag of cheese and onion crisps please, and a diet coke. You want            
                          anything  Alan“?
           Me…    “No thanks “
 8.45 am………Arrives in lift to go up to our Chemotherapy department
                           Bro….”.Floor 5 please”
                           Me…..“No Bro, our floor is the fourth”
                           Bro… “It is not we are always on floor five”
                           Me… “We are always on floor four”
                           Bro …“Floor five, I know were I am going I come here enough.”
  8.46 am     Arrives on floor five
                            Me…Where now bro?
                             Bro….“Just down these two lots of stairs and we are there…Knob“!
   8.50 am. ………Finally arrive on ward and the nurse who gave him so much
                            grief with the needles the day before is in charge of Bro again.  
                            Bro goes to complain to the head nurse saying he does not like
                            having Nurse Barb Dwyer  doing his injections. Anyhow he
                            manages to get her changed for the funny eyed one who always  
                            looks a bit lazy  and lethargic to me, Nurse Gladys Friday.                    9.00 am  …….  Bro is finally wired to his pump and drip and  Auxillary Lydia
                          Potts comes round for Bros Breakfast order .
                          Bro…. .  “Morning Lydia.” “Could I have my usual please, bacon on
                                          toast, a boiled egg, soldiers, an extra two rounds of toast a
                                           marmalade a jam and coffee, with sweeteners not sugar“..
  10 am……       Bros consultant Mr Mustapha Lukatfatti comes round for his
                          consultation with bro. He Asks Bro…Any Sickness, any dizziness,        
                          any pins and needles any forgetfulness or memory lapses…bro  
                           answers No to all..
  10. 15am…    I call  Mr Mustapha Lukatfatti over to one side and explains that
   Bro is having memory lapses and forgetful moments. To which he replies . “Are you  
   sure he isn’t only being a bit thicker than the thick  fawker ( which I think is  
    Pakistani for fooker) normally is?
    I explained to him the conversations I had with bro coming into the hospital that day, and that I couldn’t understand why the only thing that Bro didn’t have memory lapses about was food!!
 10.30am….Bros surgeon Mr Yura Pudding had taken some scans on Bros brain
   as part of his evaluation procedure and the consultant said we should go and have
   a look at them in his office. We left Bro dribbling egg  down his chin as he
   gobbled on his soldiers.
10.45 am ….He placed bros brain scans on his monitor and begins to  examine them.    
 Now he says,  you see all this slight yellowing around the  edges of the brain, well that is chemo fluid entering it and having a detrimental effect on its working ability, now this part on the top left is the part which controls, hunger, appetite, taste etc…oh look he says…there is something built up on it which looks remarkably like a  pie crust.. its stopping the chemo fluid entering it.. it must be your Bros defence mechanism and immune system commonly known as W.A.A.T.P …Warning Activism  And Traffic Perception or in your bros case….Who Ate All The Pies!!  I asked the consultant which part of Bros brain would make him a right pain in the arse and so annoying that you wanted to strangle the little fat fooker, and he pointed to an area to the bottom left…it was extremely yellow and chemo fluid looking…just as I thought!!
11.30. Done and dusted. Gets in car to go home. ….Bro….“Are we calling at K.F.C on way home Barbara “??? CHEMOBRAINED FAT FOOKER!!!!!!!!!!!!