MY LITTLE BROTHER HAS CANCER

Chemo Charlie update

Well the now  not so fat fooker has been at it again, causing us no end of worry and grief. He has not been able to lift his backside off the sofa for 3 weeks now, telling us he has the most distressing pains in his bottom. He has become totally drug dependant and his coffee table looks like Bury Pharmacy on Methadone day. He has been taking, Morphine Pethadine ,  Serotine , Flupertine antitriptyline to name just a few,  in an effort to keep the pain at bay (soft git). I  am sure if he takes half an aspirin the pain will go. Anyhow this drug dependency has got him slightly hooked and he has had a dealer coming round each week to supply him with all manner of stuff. It is costing him a small fortune buying cannabis, but as always it is the family who it all lands on and in an effort to keep costs to a minimum sister Sue has got hubby Ste to set up a cannabis growing area on their  th’lottment.  It is quite good,  in a darkened greenhouse on Bamford road underneath the glare of the  3000kw left corner flag floodlight of Heywood Sports Centre all weather pitch, the plants are thriving.  Bamford Road now  however  smells like an Amsterdam Coffee shop and when a North Easterly wind blows Morrisons and Dunnes are frequented by all manner of strange characters. It is all a bit worrying for us. We have gone through 67 cans of fabreeze in bros flat spraying constantly before the visits of Doctors and Mcmillan nurses, it is costing us a small fortune and the not so fat fooker is still saying his arse is hurting. I have nothing against drugs myself, i did have a friend who got in trouble for taking an E once , but i think that the security staff on Countdown were being a bit over reactive. Mum has  tried to help in her sort of way by buying him a pencil from the pound shop in Heywood and down it is printed TOO COOL TO DO DRUGS,  however he had sharpened it though when i went round and it now said COOL TO DO DRUGS..!!  Anyhow on Thursday Sister Babs took him to Christies for a meeting with his consultant Mr Mustapha Lukatfatti, Bro said they could go there on his pink dragon but Babs said they could go in her car. Well they finally arrived at  Christies  and  while bro was chatting to Barney And Fireman Sam in the waiting room whilst a bald headed kid played dot to dot on his drug induced spotty head, sister Babs was going to speak to Mustapha Lukatfatti about her  worry about Bros inability to get mobile and her worries about deep veined thrombosis. She told Mustapha that she thinks Bro should be wearing compression stockings but she did not know where to get them. Mr Mustapha Lukatfatti suggested Boots. We had already tried them though without success though, and Bro did look a Twa* wearing wellingtons  lied on the sofa.  Babs also mentioned bros drug problem and the fact he wasn’t eating, and he had no money for the rent, his kids no longer come to see him, he had lost his job. Mr Lukatfatti suggested a drugs programme.” Methadone” said Babs ,” No!! Jeremy Kyle” said  Mr Lukatfatti.  “Perhaps there is a need to see a pain management consultant” said  Mr Lukatfatti .  To which sister replied  “ Can i come another day to see one when bros not here” ......... “ I  mean for the fat fooker to see” said Mustapha. So off they went to see one,   a Mr Ed Skillin in the out patients department. The first thing was to identify the type of pain and he asked Bro what it was like. Bro described it as Acheypainy  (what the fook is acheypainy ???) A kind of numb stabbing pain he went on to say..????  Ed Skillin brought out a pain chart numbered 1 t0 10 with the type of pain described for each number and asked Bro what he would say his was,  on the chart 1 being the pain felt by a little pinch of the skin up to 10 being the pain felt by being  hit by a double decker bus. “ 3 and ½” said bro. So here we was with Bro in a drug induced semi comatose state brought on by taking a cocktail of various drugs to help combat a pain that measured 3 and ½ on the pain Richter scale which was somewhere slap bang in the middle of a paper cut to the index finger and standing on a lego brick when you get out of bed!! THE BIG SOFT NOT SO  FAT FOOKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!