Well it been a topsy turvy week for my bro, last Friday
he was in Christies ordering cream teas and 3 course lavish lunches on his
private medical insurance, and seven days later he is just had his arse
operated on by the good old National Health..And my god has he done some moaning
about it!!!!
The trouble was his private medical insurance was only
turd farty and did not cover him for any
abdomen work. He was supposed to have his operation on Thursday but when they
came to take him to theatre on the trolley he did not have a pound or a token
for it so it had to be postponed till he got some change. Anyhow I went to see him Thursday before his
operation and he looked quite well. I took the time to look at the log at the end
of his bed and thought i had better get
a nurse to clean that up because it was a bit smelly. Any way he finally went
to theatre and had his colostomy bag fitted.
Bro had already chose the bag he was having it was the Mass Storage bag
(M and S bag)
but due to his lack of insurance he had to have the
National Heath Type which was the After
Loading Dietary Intake bag (ALDI bag) a
yellow and blue bag that gets filled really quickly.
Well he finally got back on the ward and he was still
moaning that he hadn’t got a private room. I, on the other hand, thought it was
a nice ward with about 6 people in. There was a Rumanian in the bed to his right
who was having a penis extension on the National Health,
“Bloody Rumanians coming over here pinching our knobs” bro said. There was a
guy in the bed across who had just received a prostethic foot, unfortunately they had made it into a
left instead of a right and he now had two left feet, he had started to sue the
National health but had been going round in circles for months.
A nurse Kath Eter
came in to put something in Bros Bladder
and she was telling us how the National health service had improved
since David Cameron had got rid of the imbalances in the service “ How do people get to hospital now then “??? Said
bro . (thick Fooker!!) “Yes and they are putting a charge on the defibrillators from
now on and the Self Harm unit has been
really badly affected by the cuts. Still not all the patients are having a
problem with the NHS, there is a chap to bros left who has been in for two
months waiting for a cataract operation and he cannot see a problem with them.
Well enough said about the NHS....some good news there is
a man in bed 5 with a metal arm and he was telling Bro that he could now enter
the Paralympics because of his ALDI bag. He himself was a contestant in the 2012
games in London winning a gold in the Javelin only to lose it for testing positive
for WD 40, and the gold medal was awarded to the Chinese contestant Wan Lim Gon,
China also getting the silver and bronze medals with Fut Long Tong and Sim Pal Twat, however Sim gave up his medal when he found there was no chocolate
in it.
Bro asked him how he had got into the Paralympics and he said “just by accident..........a fekin
bus run me over”....Well i think Bro fancies trying for gold in the next games.
He thinks the bag will not cause a hindrance to him if he plays for England at
Bowls in the next games. Although if it is at altitude the fat fooker might
float away... anyhow I have been watching it on tv to try to help bro in his
quest for a place in the team....a few of our swimmers look a bit rusty, so
there might be a place there, and the hundred metres hurdles for deaf people
was nothing to watch because no one set off....i am sure we will find something
for him though.
In Conclusion I cannot find one thing wrong with the
National Health Service because my fekin fat Fooker of a brother of mine went
in a week ago down in the dumps and feeling really ill and no appetite, and
today he is back to his normal self with a big beaming smile on his face and 5
rashers of bacon 4 sausage, 3 eggs, beans ,mushrooms, tomatoes, blackpudding, Fried
bread, toat and marmalade, and a diet coke in front of him. Nice to see.
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