Chemo Charlie Update
Well Bro went in yesterday
to have the bag fitted at Christies, in an attempt to bypass the bowel
that had become heavily blocked with his not so good friend Billy tumour. The
surgeon who was performing the operation said to me that he had seen my updates
and thought on this occasion that due the embarrassing nature of the
operation could I not do an update on
this part of his treatment.........AS
IF!!!....(That was the name of the surgeon) Of course I won’t!!! So I’m
sorry folks I have to keep facts to a minimum I don’t want to upset ASIF on
account that he was working Saturday to do the operation which he doesn’t
normally do, but he was getting time and a turd and a day in loo for his
troubles .Bro was only having local anaesthetic so I managed to take him some
music to listen too to take his mind off the op....Ella Fitzgerald’s greatest
shits., and because there was a TV in the theatre I took a couple of DVDs...Forest
Dump and Sleeping with the Enema, I also took the diarrhoea of Anne Frank for
him to read post op. The nurse came to give bro some sedatives to relax him a
lovely lady named Di O’Rea. The anaesthetist
Kurt Short came into to stick a needle in Bro and off we went. I wasn’t sure
about the procedure so I asked ASIF what
it entailed and he explained that Bros arsehole was closed and two tubes were inserted into both his abdomen
(a long one will be needed for that fat fooker), and one inserted into his
voice box(for the shit that comes from
there) and these are then fed to a bag which somewhat resembles a Farm Foods boil
in the bag Chicken tikka Masala when in full operation. There are 2 ways of sealing
the bowel one is Zip fastener but has a side effect of causing nipping of the
testicular region and Velcro which can sometimes lead to you not being able to
remove oneself from the sofa (bro chose the velcro option because his arse is
somewhat stuck to the sofa for many hours anyway). Asif now asked bro to choose the type of bag
which he would like and it could be customised and personalised to his
requirements, for example Jane Goody chose a colourful one which came to be
known as the Goody bag, the great composer Frederic Chopin chose one with
handles which became known as the Chopin bag, and The celebrities Brooke
Shields, Sean Connery and Mr T, sponsored the development of a new one called
The Brook Bond T bag. There was the basic option of the Portable Operational
Orifice....in short the Poo bag as a cheaper option. You could also have it sponsored
by a company and a logo or picture printed on it, and bro is going to ask Warburton’s
if he can have Soft Brown Farmhouse printed on it. Bro also will have to get
measured for new shoes which will accommodate a few kilos of sand which will
have the effect of ballast in anchoring the fat fooker down when he lets out a
series of farts into the bag and therefore stop him from floating away. Anyway
he successfully had it fitted and me and my little dog Ricco went to Christies
this morning to pick him up, it was a little embarrassing cos he shit in the
corridor, but I’m sure he will get used to the bag soon....I was utterly lost
for turds......anyway I can’t publish this guys so I will just post it on bros face
book alone.......???? I can’t get used to these privacy settings???
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