MY LITTLE BROTHER HAS CANCER

Another chemotherapy session. We are in June now.The weather has been pretty good, bros been working  but only mornings because he gets a little tired. We have been bowling most evenings and bro is managing to play most nights and most weekends. He still looks remarkably well and healthy in spite of his his illness. Our sister Barbara has been up from the midlands for a few days. Mum is very bothered about bro and it does her good for sis to come and visit.Think mum is going to Barbaras for a few days. it will stop her pecking mine and bro's head about his chemotherapy. Anyhow here we go. Hes all plumbed in at Christies on his drip so its get the cards out and have a laugh until the cheemotherapy starts to effect him. I always win the card games. He spends too much time eyeballing the nurseS

.CHEEMO CHARLIE RIDES AGAIN.
Well arrived at Christies this morning for bros continuing treatment and after Mondays consultation with his consultant Mr Mustapha Lukatfatti and his Russian surgeon  Mr Yura Pudding , Bro was feeling quite good and as usual was giving the consultants  Chinese secretary Miss Chin Tu Fat a bit of a chat up.
Anyhow I go to Mr Lukatfattis office to have a chat about the next lot of chemotherapy treatment bros having.
It was there that Mr Lukatfatti informed me of a few revelations about bros treatment. With regard to the tumours shrinking, that wasn’t exactly the case.. in actual fact the tumours had stayed the same size and bro had expanded and got fatter  therefore giving a false impression of the tumours shrinking.
Seeing my alarmed look, Mr Mustapha Lukatfatti  was quick to explain himself.
He explained that the treatment that bro was receiving was not  standard chemotherapy, and what he was using on bro was a treatment developed in his native homeland in Karachi, Pakistan. He was actually receiving KHEEMATHERAPY and this was the reason for bros massive weight gain.
This new technique involves preparing a drip of liquidised spices including cardamom  pods , cloves , garlic, peppers and ginger and mixing them with a saline solution for a drip feed and administering them to the patient intravenously. Now I recalled I had got a slight odour of Indian cooking when I had been playing cards with bro during his last treatment,  but he is partial to a kebab on a Saturday and he does fart a lot during his treatment and I thought it was that.
Mr Mustapha Lukatfatti explained the objective of the treatment. The idea is that the solution is absorbed by the cancerous tumour and over a period of time the tumour is slowly transformed into a non malignant ONION BHAJI. I asked as to the chances of the treatment being successful and he explained that Mr  Yura Pudding had successfully removed tumours in two patients that same week and although he couldn’t recall there full names they were two men called ROG AN JOSH. He went on to add that bro was in room 2 and if he were to  look across the corridor the CHAP AT I was also receiving the same treatment. What are the side effects of the treatment I asked, and Mr Lukatfatti explained that the patient might feel different changes in temperature HOT CHILLI…HOT CHILLI for a few days after ,  and I remember that bro had had this side effect, he added that bro  might lose his voice due to developing  nodules on his vocal chords , he went on to say that  a lady had just wrote to the hospital and claimed that it sent her PAPADUM , and she was trying to SEEKH compensation from the hospital trust.
Mr Lukatfatti went on to say that the scans had shown that the large tumour on the liver was slowly resembling an ONION BHAJI and the bowel tumours now resembled  KHEEMA PEAS..( too much information)
If this progress continues  and if bro doesn’t burst  in the meantime, and if the tumour is in a 5 centimetre radius  then Mr Yura Pudding is confident that he can FREE DE LIVER of the ONION BHAJI.
I went back to bros room to give him the good news that I had been given, he was still having a CHAAT with Miss Chin Tu Fat and his nurses were still waiting to give him his post urethal narcolepsy injection or as they call it a PUNJAB, to help TAKEAWAY some of the discomfort.
 I expressed to the Chinese secretary the happiness I felt regarding the new treatment for bro and she said  KOO I NOOR its vely good. She asked  bro to sign the consent forms and asked him to  TIKKA the boxes were required…The nurses then give him his injections and had a quick check to see if the cancer had spread to his testicles…left one..“KOF TA“…right one “KOF TA“ all ok there….
Anyhow bro  has finally got plugged into the drip and there he is twiddling with the buttons on his chair, they are rally good recliners at the press of a button you can make the arms go up and even make your PILAU RICE to make your head and neck comfortable.
I put all India radio fm on the hospital radio for him while we play  cards, or dominoes.. that’s if he has remembered a PAK OR A set…… if he gets fed up with the music  I will put a film on for him…East Is East  I think..
He has just dragged his drip  to the toilets  but couldn’t go because all five toilets were taken up and there was not MUSHROOM VINDALOO..
Cant wait to tell NAAN the good news she was going out and I have to take bro  there so I just phoned and asked “have you left me a KEE MA?” yes its not mine though” whos is it I asked…“the KEY?BABS “she said.
I havent told bro about the side effect of the slight skin pigment colour change that is likely to occur
during the next few weeks I wanted to keep him thinking positive..
Ps.  I will be referring to bro from now on  as  MILLIKA MAFOOD…..
MANGO now….Bye. xx