Cheemo Charlie update..........the final one.... i hope......

What a pantomime it is going to be today. Here am I stuck in this thing, not enough room to swing a cat round in. This would been my  tight sister  Babs choice I bet. Wonder where she got it from www.cheap coffin.com i imagine. I have seen bigger boxes on the cereal aisle at Tescos!! All week people have been popping there heads in gawping at me. Mums been there pecking my head for days. Be  glad when they shut the lid.  And all the rubbish they have been chucking in. Thanks Charles for the wacky bakky spliff you put in, dint have the sense to put a lighter or matches in with it ......numpty!!, it is not even a cremation so i cannot even get a light there!! Happy days

Whose idea was it to put two bowls in, ones just rolled when the hearse set off and clonked me on the head, i cannot  tell you what the other one has hit, but it is the first time i have had tears in my eyes since I had to buy the first round after winning the Waterloo. If i find it was William who put them in he is in for it. I think for sure bro must have sorted out the pall bearers. Good choice bro, two 4 foot tall, two 5 feet tall, and  two 6 feet 6 inches tall, the coffins being carried at an angle of 45 degrees, all the bloods rushed to me head, me bodies all white and my heads bright red... i look like a toffee apple!! Happy days..

Big crowd though, i know i said dress as you want, but you there in the fourth row, yes you!! Your half undressed woman.. if this coffin lid starts to slowly open because of you i can see a massive stampede to the door!!

Have you seen the plot they have picked for me, Blinking Rebecca I bet, farm on one side, Springfield Park golf course on the other, so it is the smell of cow dung daily for me while i get peppered by golf balls from 24 handicap golfers all through the year. A 98 year old church warden on one side and an 88 year old mother of seven on the other...Happy days...not!!!!

Well look at all you bowlers......Stand up everyone who I have not beat!.....thought so, not a rear has left a pew, you are all thinking that is one less we have to beat when we go Hopwood...well just remember when you are all at 20-20 and your running up the last wood, think is rolling straight to the jack and a sudden gust of wind sends it a yard past i will be laughing my head off up there!

 Nice to see you all in your club sweaters, hee hee...you fell for that one, you all look right wallies!!!...

Songs were nice....I wanted Bohemian Rhapsody, but our Sue was worried that someone might forget to turn the cd off and I would be lowered in to the grave and the solemn silence would be broken by the sound of “Du Du Du Du Another one bites the dust”. Happy days..

 Dressed me in my Man City shirt though...Thanks Kids...i know that so and so of a bro of mine wanted me in a Man United one...but i wouldn’t be seen dead in one of them....woops...no pun intended.... Dont laugh!!!  Your at a funeral,  I will excuse you if you let out a giggle in a few minutes though because I am dying to break wind.

 So here we are...happy days.....i have had a fantastic life.....i have laughed and cried...i have moments to treasure, memories of a lifetime of love. So many beautiful people that i have shared it with...got to go now...got a date with an 88 year old mother of seven....Stud muffin.lol Happy days..........................xxx

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Bros funeral today, we intend to give him a good send of and celebrate the life he lived. The guy always laughed, he was such an happy man, he was good fun to be around, i will miss him. The memories will still be there and i will look back at the times we had. Me and bro were a good double act,we enjoyed making people laugh, i will miss him. He was a proud and loving father and i know his children, Rebecca,Charles,Joe and William will miss him so much. He leaves a hole in our heart, but this hole is filled with lots of happy memories.xx

Bro passed away peacefully at 8.02pm on 14th October 2014. xxxxx

Words for 4 brave children

Jewels of sunlight lay lines of life along your weakened being,
Outstretched hands grasp at shadows that you are seeing.
Himself no more, a fraction of the man we loved so much,
Needful of a syringe, a pill, a nurses loving touch.

And yet, beyond the ravaged shell, on which we rest each saddened stir,
Now filled with little hope of life and shrouded in a blur.
Depart our Dad, sleep well and rest for us who hold you dear,
Remember us in life ahead, as angels draw so near.
Encircled in a families arms, remembering times gone by,
With a Mothers love, a lovers heart, a sons and daughters cry.

Each breath you take is now so feint , each movement ever less,
Can leaving be so hard dear Dad, Gods love, our kiss, God bless.
Cling not for us, we knew you well and marveled at the fight,
Leave though at peace, a restful sleep and go towards the light,
End all this pain, you owe us nought, We loved the time we had,
Some words. Rebecca,Charles Joe and William. For you our loving Dad

xxxx

xxxx

Bros still in the hospice but he is fading fast and his family are still at his bedside. i saw him yesterday and he acknowledged with a nod that i was there. its heartbreaking to see him slowly dying and i wish the end would come soon and let him rest peacefully. i love the guy to pieces. he has been so brave but i think he can give up the fight now. he has proven to everyone that you can lead a life with cancer. it may get the better of you in the end, but it does not take your life away when you are diagnosed. he has been a role model for his children, and i have been in awe of his courage this last two years.xx

Bros really comfortable in the hospice. His children have been fantastic. Adele has been a rock. Bro must be so proud. Hes having drugs all the time now but still smiling. i love the brave guy too bits. just been looking at Dads scrapbook of all his bowling achievements. he was the best!!. Rebecca Charles, Joe, William, Adele, you must be so proud. Thinking of you all.xx

REMEMBER WHEN POSH SIS COME TO CHRISTIES WITH US...LOL

CheemoCharlie update… PICKIES MICKIES AND DICKIES
Sorry about the delay with bros update but I have been keeping a low profile for a while….As most of you know me and fat bro were accompanied by our posh sister Babs to this months chemo session so it was going to be boring to say the least. She seems to not like my chemo updates in her words they are ”slately exaggerated” So it looked like it was going to be a very boring session with me and fat bro having to behave ourselves , bro had to have an endoscopy as well as his chemo treatment in this session, (a camera up the arse for those of you not used to medical terminology)
Anyway, off we sets and when we reach the private car park at Christies we notice it is full of caravans and trucks and dogs and things and Babs says “ Look the cor pork is awash with Pickies”….“Pikeys” I said. Usually we get on free but it cost us £5 for a wristband each and we just about managed to park in between a scrap iron truck and a tarmac lorry.. I did think the tarmac lorry was about to go because two men were mixing the grass seed with the hot tarmac as we drove into the gap. It was very busy with a football match going on the length of the entire car park with two Propane bottles at one end for goal and two soiled nappies at the other.
When we got to the reception Babs complained to the staff saying “Look here young man, my brother pays for private medicine and we don’t want riff raff such as Pickies on our cor pork… “Pikeys” I whispered. The staff orderly explained that one of them had come in for tests on a suspected brain tumour, the symptoms were classic, he had put an empty crisp packet in a bin and bought a bar of soap.
Not wishing to dwell, as we were late we thought we had better get fat bro in his hospital gown and then he could have his endoscopy straight after his chemo. We got him dressed into it but unfortunately put it on back to front, anyhow it was too late to faff about with it…we got him in his chair and got his drip on discretely pulling his gown over his particulars…He began on his first bag of chemo fluid….
Just then a large looking man came in and introduced himself as Gentleman Mick, more followed and he introduced them as little Mick, cousin Mick, granddad Mick, nephew Mick and son-in-law Mick
“All them Mickies is Pickies” said Babs.. “Pikeys” I whispered staring my eyes at her ….any how they wasn’t alone, along followed Micks mum Jane Petrolengro who got seated in the corner of thee room and pulled cards out her pocket “The Pickies got turret cords” said Babs ..“Pikeys” I said a bit louder this time… Well before long she’s charging £5 a go to have your cards read and I did see her throwing the grim reaper cards out of the window and the cancer patients are flocking to have theirs cards read and all leaving with big smiles on their faces. Bros getting dripped with his chemo fluid, but I had forgot that one of the side effects is that all your extremities go cold and stiff and this appeared to have happened to his todger and it was pointing straight to the ceiling through the gap in his gown.. Now, bro isn’t short in that department I remember mum thinking her baby had 3 arms when he was born… you could actually have pole danced around it, but 3 little Pikeys had got their mums rather large brass earrings and were playing hoopla on it….Gentleman Mick never wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth had taped a card to bro saying £2 a go ..3 hoops on to win a fiver and a prize for everyone… little goldfish in bags were being brought into the room as prizes…Bros bag by this time was done and the nurse came in to attach the second one…However in all the confusion she attached a goldfish bag by mistake. Mick was doing a roaring trade now and a big queue was formed for the Hoop La.
Bro by this time kept calling for someone called bob?? Or wanting a bob?? I just kept seeing his mouth move.. “bob.. bob ..bob. .bob.”
His todger had become rather scaly looking and people were complaining the earrings wouldn’t fit over. Mick taped a tenner to the base to try to compensate for this…at least it covered bros balls. Babs then said “what’s Mickie the Pickie doing with my brothers tisticles” I was at my wits end with her and screamed “YOU” “FUCKING P..I..K..E..Y..S………. PIKEYS!!!!!!!!!” at which point I felt all these angry eyes looking at me….with a sudden leap up I grabbed bros scaly todger and ran out as fast as I could dragging him behind me to the car…we waited there for Babs…who came along 5 minutes later telling us that she thought the Pickies were looking for us…All the way home Bro still wanted a “bob” and kept banging his head on the window of the car…..oh….Sis isn’t coming again!! She doesn’t care for Nemotherapy!!!!

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A LITTLE BIT OF RAIN AINT STOPPING BRO GETTING SOME FRESH AIR OUTSIDE THE HOSPICE. HE WONT STAY IN HIS BED. I WISH HE WOULD EAT A LITTLE BUT HE HAS NO APPETITE WHATSOEVER. HIS SENSE OF HUMOUR IS STILL THERE, WE KEEP HAVING A LAUGH, BRAVE GUY MY BRO.XX

Bros comfortable in the hospice now . he is a little weak so he needs oxygen frequently. his family are all around him. he must be well proud of his children.xx

On Wednesday lunch time the macmillan team felt that it probably was best that bro be admitted to the hospice. he has been getting weaker and weaker and has been in a great deal of pain. Mum and the rest of the family have supported him right through this disease but there had to come a time when it would become absolutely necessary for professional carers to work along side mum, family and friends. The staff at Springhill hospice have been absolutely wonderful to bro and all our family.They are such a caring team of nurses and staff, i cant say enough how caring they have been. Bro now seems to be almost pain free and has been able to go outside in a wheelchair and enjoy some late summer we are having. I think the summer is staying just for bro. He looks so content at the moment and i am overwhelmed by the messages and thoughts of all his friends. if i had a tenth of the friends my bro has i would be a very rich man. I dont know what the next few days/weeks will bring but i know that he is in the right place to enjoy them. A little picture of him with his wonderful wife adele and children, Charles, Rebecca,William, Joe.

Chemo Charlie update. Its been a long journey with chemo Charlie and bro has decided that he is having no more chemotherapy so this is our farewell to chemo Charlie. We have had laughs along the way (mostly at bros expense) but this is our good bye to Charlie.  What a day we have had with that not so fat fooker of a brother of mine. This is the story about how my bros head as caved in and how we are trying to get it back right for him. When we were all kids me, my sisters Babs and Sue , we all picked our noses, there was nothing we liked more than a bit of Rhinotillexomania, (which is actually derived from the Greek  words  Rhino, ..nose, tillex...to pick, and Mania...compulsive disorder) Our Sue is actually in Heywood folklore for being Rose Queen of St Johns and walking 5 miles through Heywood on a Whit Sunday with a finger up each nostril. However, Bro never enjoyed the challenge of digging away for gold  , or  as we called them bogeys, or as others called them boogers. Why you might ask  if it was a family trait and a worldwide pastime did bro not do it?? SAUSAGE FINGERS!! Yes the fat fooker as he was even at his younger years could not get his fat fingers which measured a circumference of 63 millimetres into either nostril which had an inside circumference of 53 millimetres. Therefore as a youngster he developed an alternative habit to satisfy his need for comfort, He started licking toilet seats, apparently this fetish is somewhere in the same genealogical category as nose picking. He once had to get the caretaker at Magdala st school (with the help of two boxes of Swan Vesta matches) to remove his tongue from a frosty outside toilet seat, when he was a mere six years old. Anyhow i digress a little.                                                                                                 Last week when he was playing in his new recliner riser chair and   he tipped it too much and lunged forward and in a quirk of fate his left hand index finger went right up his left nostril. Yes he has become thin and his sausage fingers are no more. Since then he has gone 24/7 picking his fekin hooter, his fingers are never out of his conk......52 YEARS OF BOGEYS!!!! All ready for picking and man is he going to town. He has discretely been placing them on the cushion of his sofa, because it is surplus to requirements now he sits all the time on his recliner, the bloody macmillan nurse sat on it Monday  and left bros with a faux leather cushion stuck to her arse. On Tuesday bro had developed the pick, roll and flick method and was decorating his wall mirror with an array of bogeys. Worse to come, on  Wednesday he couldn’t remove a particular sticky one from his hand and in desperation he picked it off with his teeth and realised that it tasted nice. 52 YEARS OF BOOGERS TO EAT!!. He then started putting them on muffins, Booger King  springs to mind. Anyhow having 52 years of boogers in his head,  he is systematically removing and eating them, his belly is getting fatter but his head is looking like a plastic coke bottle on a bonfire. Mum was right when she said if you carry on your head will cave in!!! Something has to be done to get him back on his unharmful (apart from the occasions when he has to clean his teeth with Immac) toilet seat licking. Anyhow i scoured the internet for help and i found a place that could help Spring Hill Horse Piss, (Not to be confused with the place for the chronically ill to receive palliative care in Rochdale) No this is  a stables just off Edenfield road  who specialize in the production of Horse piss to help in the rehabilitation and support of people who suffer from toilet seat licking and other strange and bizarre habits. We took bro there today and we have him hooked up to a bag of urine from a dapple grey Dartmoor pony  and one from a shire stallion whos dam used to pull a  dray full of Bass Charrington  barrels of beer. We have left him there tonight and hope that his need to eat his bogeys will disappear and his full sized head will return when the horse piss kicks in and he reverts back to toilet seat licking. Come on bro.You can do it pal. God Bless. XX