MY LITTLE BROTHER HAS CANCER

Well bros been looking at all sorts of alternative remedies since the chemo fluid run out at Christies.  Yesterday I had to pick him up from Lords Cricket ground and take him to A&E because a cricket ball had hit him on the back of the head while he was praying…yes praying…not playing…Howzatt ?? you might say….well some one told the thick fat fooker to go on a pilgrimage to Lourdes and pray…Well at A&E they removed the cork from Bros arse….mmmmm. You see, he has also been looking at all sorts of alternative healing methods, and is latest is Ancient Egyptian and Middle Eastern  medicine the oldest documented  known to man. These alternative methods have been brought to bros attention by a doctor at Christies, Mr Fati Farooker. Anyway we went to see him on Thursday. When we got there Mr  Farooker introduced us to his team . He had two masseurs working for him  called Nile and Sandy from the Cairopractice department {they used to work at the Fords car  plant on  Merseyside on shift work but they couldn’t get used to the shifts I call them the Two Ten Car Men. “Can I have a full body massage”  asked  bro. “Sorry we are only here for a day” they replied..  Anyhow Fati knew of someone who might be able to help Bro in his quest for a cure for his cancer. He pointed and said there is ALLADIN  bed 3 who might be able to help. Me and bro went and there was this kid there with his dad, he had silk pyjamas on so he must have been well off and the most the most beautiful golden turbin you’ve ever seen, “Attention  Sikher” I muttered to Bro. He introduced himself as Alladin and said he had come across a magic lamp in the genieology department and he thought it might help bro in his quest for a cure for his cancer. Lets go and get the magic lamp said bro. So Aladdin said get the BAG DAD and asked his girlfriend SAHARA to fetch the magic carpet for Bro. She came with the most beautiful silk Persian rug beautifully embroidered, they asked Bro to sit on it and said a few magical words and with a flutter of its edges and a quick ripple it took off into the sky, unfortunately without bro whos fat arse was still stuck to the floor with half a square metre of pure silk Persian rug under him….fat fooker. Anyway we had to walk to the Genieology department, with Alladin we had to GOBI some secret places so bro had to be blindfolded…”No Peking” I said. We arrived at the Genieology department and there to meet us was a odd red faced character…looked like he had been under the sun lamp to long…he looked like a Jafar . We looked around and there in the corner of the room was a wrinkled old lady with a tiara on, name of Princess Hasbeen. I asked Jafar if we should chuck her out and he said “YEMEN”. At that moment bro spotted, in the corner of the room the most beautiful girl in the world holding an old brass lamp, the fat fookers eyes lit up and he wanted to rub it, I told him we didn’t have time for that and we needed to get the lamp…. Anyway Bro got the lamp and gave it a rub and in a cloud of blue smoke all you could see was  this blue fat fooker………oh and the genie who had popped from the lamp. “A thousand thank you’s  for releasing from this bottle after tens of thousands of years” “I will grant you three wishes “ he said. Bro thought he said dishes and ordered Peking Duck, Chicken Chow Mein, Beef and Cashew nuts and of course a Diet Coke…..”Your wish is my command” he said and suddenly there was a table full of food. “Where is it” said Bro…And we all said….”ITS BEHIND YOU” Anyhow bros fooked up his wishes now and the genie is going to go. “Please let the thick fooker have one more” I said and the genie looked and said “go on then but this is the numb fookers last chance.  Bro said “No shit”. “That’s it” said the genie.” And disappeared in a puff of smoke…. And  that’s how bro got  cork filled  arsehole.  Hey Bro…YOU AINT NEVER HAD A FRIEND LIKE ME!!